Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Visiting Jude's Orphanage and Finding Spot

I worked on this post last night, but the internet wasn't cooperating. Sorry to post it a little late!

I'm not going to lie.

Today was hard.

And to be honest, emotionally, I am done.

Knowing your kid, who you love, was once in an orphanage.....was recently in an orphanage, is hard. Seeing that orphanage is really hard.

I wasn't really sure what to expect or how I would feel. But I left feeling terrible.

Jude's orphanage houses 400 kids, with another 200 or so in foster care, according to the information we got today. Of all those kids, 2% are healthy. The remainder have some type of special need. Some are adoptable, some aren't. Some were abandoned. Some are essential orphans because their parents are in jail. Regardless, they are all living in a place where no child should be. Ever.

Even though I believe the workers do their best....still, no child should be there. No child should spend life in a place like that. Even if it's a "good" orphanage, whatever that means. It's still an institute.

I was shocked when we went into Jude's room. Rows of metal cribs containing bodies of children with severe disabilities were there. I don't even know if they come out of the beds. One kid had his hands tied behind his back with strips of cloth. I don't really even have the words to explain the sickening feeling I had. I wish I could explain better for those of you reading....I'm just at a loss.

Then, to see this empty crib...the crib where my son slept just a few nights THAT room. Well, it's just appalling.


Then we went to Jude's finding spot. It was at a hospital, just like Rylie. Although, this hospital is now abandoned. It moved to a new location about a year ago. I'm glad the building was still standing.

Jude was found inside, on the 2nd floor where an outpatient clinic was located. I tried hard to picture his mother, frantically walking out of the front door, right after leaving her child. I have so many questions, but those answers will never come.

I wish I could say more about this morning, I really do. I just can't find the words. I will never forget those kids though.....what it felt like to rub their backs, and touch their heads, and blow them kisses. You can tell....the deep down human craving for love and affection and's there. But who will come and meet that need? I left feeling like the orphan situation is a desperate one. One that I have to do something else about. At this point, I just don't know what.

Anyway, this afternoon, we applied for Jude's passport. Tomorrow, we have a free morning followed by Jude's medical exam in the afternoon.

I'm exhausted....night y'all.


  1. I can't imagine. But I love seeing him snuggle with his daddy.

  2. I can't imagine... truly can't wrap my head around kids never leaving that place.

  3. Scott and I both read this post, there are just no words! Thank you for sharing. Thank you also for how you ended it...with that dear picture of Jude and his daddy. What a SWEET ending.