Same Love, Different Love

I think one of the biggest misgivings people have about adoption is wondering if they can love an adopted child as much as a biological child.

I've been asked it.

And I've answered it in various ways....depending on where we were on this journey.

I'm going to be honest here.

Back when we adopted Rylie, deep down, I might have answered in a way that showed my doubt. She was tough. And a lot of the time, I was faking it. And a lot of the time, I wasn't very good at faking it.

And I wondered.

Can I really love this kid? I mean, really love her like my others?

Without convincing myself? Without trying to convince other people?

And if I can....when? When will it happen?

Because it wasn't instantaneous. And I was completely unsure if she would ever really feel like my daughter.

It was hard to love a kid who gave you absolutely nothing in return. Who fought you every step of the way. It just was. And I'm only human, so I'll admit that.

With Jude, it was much more instantaneous. Because he was so darn lovable. And he made loving him easy.

Same as Jonah.

Same as Reagan.

Love at first sight.

Now back to Rylie....

Let me say...unequivocally....without question...I. LOVE. THIS. GIRL.

I love her as much as I love my other kids. I don't always get along with her as well. But I love her.

Deeply.

Fiercely.

Just different.

She doesn't make me mushy with the warm fuzzies.

She is usually pushing my buttons in some way....and I sense she gets a great bit of joy out of that. ;)

But still, I love her.

I love her in a "I can't handle her dealing with any more injustice and tragedy in her life than she has already experienced" kind of way. In a vengeful kind of way. In a fighting kind of way.

Because her life hasn't been fair. And it's wounded her in a lot of ways.

But I venture to say that in the end, SHE will be the one I am the most proud of.

Because when I look at her on the playground at preschool.....playing by herself because the other kids can't understand her, I realize how brave she is. And I realize how much I admire her tenacity.

And I realize that it makes my heart physically hurt to see her experience that.

And I want to fix it and shelter her from it.

She's got a lot to overcome. She risks a lot of hurt and rejection coming her way in the future.

And I know that loving her doesn't change that.

But I hope it helps her get through it.

I hope it helps her realize her value.  Her worth.

I hope it shows others a glimpse of God's love for us....despite how utterly unlovable we sometimes are.

So....can you? Can you love an adopted child as much as a biological one?

Well, let's just say if you mess with her, I will mess. you. up.

And if that's not love, then I don't know what is.

Camping! (A post of many pictures)

The schedule around here gets a little crazy most of the time.

Rush works his regular job, and off-duty.

I work around him....pretty much every weekend.

Which leaves not a whole lot to spare for quality family time.

So we took matters into our own hands and planned a little getaway.

We got the kids out of school early on Friday and kept them out on Monday, packed up 2 cars (yes, it takes 2 cars for us and all our stuff) and hit the road to the mountains.

It. Was. Heaven.

Truly....the Shenandoah valley is amazing in autumn. And we were lucky enough to be there at the peak of the leaf beauty.

It's like God is just showing off. And I'm not complaining.

We had a great time.

The kids rocked some hiking.

We froze in our tent.

A skunk came to visit...and lots of deer.

And now, my quest to rid all of our stuff of campfire smell continues!

Jude's Surgery Recap

In the midst of craziness over the past month, I forgot to post about Jude's surgery.

On September 19, he had his "Chinese adopted boy" trifecta of surgeries....cleft palate repair, ear tubes, and circumcision. Let's just say I'm glad we're on the other side of it now.

I always feel bad for my kids before surgery. The poor things just have no idea what's about to happen to them, and it makes me feel slightly guilty. Look how happy he is. Happy and clueless. 

But, it had to be done. So we did.

Here's a glimpse of Jude's palate before. You can see straight up into his nasal passages. Poor guy.

He was a happy camper that morning...even though he couldn't eat.

We loved arriving and being met by Miss Lisa from church...even at 6am! She rocks! And Jude loves her. I think the feeling is mutual. :)

Jude was his typical charming self.....interacting and loving on all of the surgical team.

Then he got his goofy juice. Hilarious. He was a total rag doll.

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The surgery lasted about 4 1/2 hours or so.

Our time in the hospital was great. I work with some great people! We are so thankful to live near such great doctors and have access to amazing care!

He was loaded up with drugs for a lot of his post-op time in the hospital and I think he stayed fairly comfortable, although we did have some pain issues here and there. He slept some, but was pretty restless.

He was able to eat a little....jello, applesauce, yogurt, ice cream.

Then, we went home.

He had a rough recovery.

Rylie was fine in about 2 days time after her palate repair. Tough girl.

Jude took more like 2 weeks. He was fussy, clingy, congested and all around miserable for that time frame. We were thrilled when we started to see little glimpses of our happy guy begin to reemerge.

He's pretty much back to himself now...other than pointing "down there" and saying "Uh-oh!" when I change his diaper. Let's hope his memory is short.

He's back in speech therapy now, and just had his first session post-op. He said "Mama!" I can't wait to see how his language develops. Hopefully, he will have an easier time than Rylie has had. She's still struggling. But that's another post for another day.

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Oh...and I promise, he really does have more than 1 set of pj's.

Oh summer..... (Sunday Snapshot)

....how I am going to miss you.

    Your gorgeous blooms.

Your impromptu sleepovers.

Your poolside fun.

Your frolicking freedom.

It's been fun.

But other things await us.

Like cooler weather.

And sweatshirts.

And leaves.

And fire pits.

And did someone say football???

Oh yes. 

Summer, it's been nice. 

You can hang around for one more week.

But after that, I think it's time for you to mosey on along. 

See ya next year.